The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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