how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
