She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
