So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
