Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I am morally bankrupt
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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