things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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