Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We named our party play list daddy issues
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
