i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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