Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
