Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
