at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
