you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
