you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
