I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
