I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
