I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
