oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
