Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
