I'm going to jail i love you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
