i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
