I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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