She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
