1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
