am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
