how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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