bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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