Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
