if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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