Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
