If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ttyl tear gas
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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