I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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