you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
