Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
