They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
