My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm really busy with my period
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