I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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