are you still at the devil's house?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
