she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
