am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
