Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
