So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
