matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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