DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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