Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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