By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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