apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
