I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
