One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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