I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
