We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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