She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
